It’s no secret: I am not a fan of black. That is to say, while black can be useful, it’s not the only answer to every dressing question. (Perhaps I’m a bit rebellious, although I prefer to think of myself as creative!)
When in the past I have mentioned the idea that some people consider wearing black to a daytime wedding a breach of etiquette, I get the impression that for most that is a new idea. To which I respond, but never aloud, “didn’t your mother teach you any manners?”
Sorry. You know I love you guys.
Erin at A Dress A Day says it much better than I could, in her wonderfully thorough Rules for Dresses at Weddings:
One: do not wear black. I can hear somebody whining that she only has one nice dress, and it NEEDS to be black because she has to wear it on New Year’s Eve, and besides, black is slimming. I am not listening to you. You do not wear black to weddings. You do not wear black to weddings because wearing black at weddings means you disapprove of the marriage. You do not wear black to weddings because someday, god forbid, you might actually WANT to wear black to a wedding in order to show your disapproval and your deep grief over somebody’s ill-advised nuptials, and no one will know that this is what you intended because there will be a roomful of women in LBDs dancing barefoot to “We Are Family” and your grand gesture will be for naught. MARK MY WORDS. (Besides, black is BOR-ing. And not as slimming as you might think.) Black and white prints are allowable if they would be unsuitable for a funeral.
To prove I am not utterly heartless, I will “allow” the following exceptions:
- The bridal party. Often the person disputing the long-standing tradition of not wearing black to a wedding will use the new fashion of having bridesmaids in black as an example. There’s no connection. Bridesmaids wear what the bride chooses for them. Guests must police themselves.
- The visibly pregnant. If you can only find one maternity dress and it’s black, the bride will understand. If not now, some time later when she’s looking back at the wedding pictures because she’s so big she can’t convince her pregnant self to get up off the couch.
- For an evening wedding.
Admittedly most etiquette experts now call the prohibition against black antiquated, but fashion experts The Budget Fashionista and Angie at youlookfab still advise color as a better option.
Some other don’ts:
- Don’t wear red. This one also comes from Erin, the reason for it is because red is such an attention-grabber.
- (I’m sure you all know this but) never wear white to a wedding, in order not to compete with the bride.
- No sequins for day weddings and nothing, nothing revealing.
I once attended a wedding where the groom’s step-mother was wearing a turquoise sequined mini-dress. Believe me, no matter how good she looked in it, she was the object of pity not admiration.
Wow — daytime weddings still exist?? I haven’t heard of a wedding starting before 6:00 in my lifetime! I guess that is what happens when you live in a big city….
Yes, I’ve come to this conclusion myself. Several years ago I wore black to two weddings in the rural area in which I live and was teased about it! I thought it was chic at the time, but it apparently was too much. I did get complimented by one of the brides, though. 😉 I would really like to find ONE dress that is appropriate for nearly all weddings. The trick is that things are really casual where I live. *sigh*
I am happy to read this; I don’t feel so alone anymore. The last wedding I attended was in the spring of this year. It was in a country club during the evening. The majority of the women attending were wearing what I consider “cocktail” attire — lots of cleavage, strapless, white and black and white and black prints, etc. You definitely noticed “the clothes” of many women (not to mention the skin and shapes of some women who would have looked much nicer more modestly dressed). About the only people I saw who were appropriately dressed were the women I worked with (and their husbands) and the bridal party’s parents. It had been a long time since I attended a wedding (other than my daughter’s, which was in our home and very low key), so I decided I was just hopelessly old fashioned. Happy to see that some care about such things.
I agree, for the most part. The one other exception I can think of is a Breakfast at Tiffany’s wedding I saw on tv the other night (style channel wedding tv shows…guilty pleasure). The women were pretty much required to wear LBDs a la Audrey Hepburn, and it actually was really chic. To a normal wedding, however, I think it’d be inappropriate.
Yes, I tend to agree with your rules unless it’s specifically noted otherwise. Although sequins as a tasteful embellishment could be nice. 😉 And look on the bright side – at least it wasn’t a *red* sequined minidress!
Basically, it all boils down to – don’t wear something that takes the attention off the bride!
Julie ~ that totally explains your previous comment! Yes, actually summer afternoon weddings are quite common around here. And the one I mentioned, with the step-mother who grieves the rest of us step-mothers by perpetuating the stereo-type, was afternoon in late winter.
Tessa ~ I know what you mean about casual. But if you wore something nicer and appropriate you could inspire the other guests to put forth a little more effort. 😎
Susan ~ I knew you would agree. 😉
Oxanna ~ you nailed it! It’s all about the bride!
Kori ~ that sounds like a fun show. And I’m sure many of the guests were quite relieved at being able to wear their LBDs.
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i agree with white at weddings, but unfortunately i had to do it once! i checked with my friend, the bride, first of course. i was 4 months pregnant with baby michael and the dress i wanted to wear was just a tiny bit too small, but i was nowhere near able to fit in a maternity dress. so at the last minute i borrowed my sister’s white graduation dress because it had an empire waist. the bride and i looked very cute dancing together though!
Rebecca, despite apparent evidence to the contratry, I completely agree with you! I’d never wear black to a wedding, even if the bride said I could (it just wouldn’t seem right). My mum did bring me up properly ^_^
Well put. The important thing to remember here is that for almost every rule, there are exceptions.
What do you think of the mother of the bride wearing black to her daughter’s wedding? I wanted to tell her it was inappropriate but she would have got very upset if i did so i let it ride… I thought it was in very poor taste do you agree?
I agree with you, although I suppose a bride these days might encourage her mother to wear black. You weren’t the bride in this case, were you?
Not being someone who usually wears black, this was an interesting new idea. Though as we traditionally wear black for a funeral, I agree that it would seem inappropriate to wear it to a celebration, such as a wedding.