Last year, when I had been blogging a few short months, I wrote the following. Although a few of the details have changed since then, by and large the problem remains. Only now it doesn’t bother me as much, because I have you lovely people in my life.
Perennially, probably related to the dark days of winter, I experience social insecurity remembering that most of my social supports are contingent upon the age of my children. Our Bible-study is limited to couples with children through high-school age. I could remain a member of my home-schooling support group when I am no longer home-schooling, but do I want to? Seems somehow grasping. In MOPS leadership, I am but a guest as it is.
This summer, I will not even be needed to drive the ladies to the free movies. It isn’t so much that I need to be needed, although you task-oriented people may choose to believe that. No, I will be losing my opportunities for fun. Being shy, or maybe just slow to warm up, I am most comfortable where I can belong simply by showing up.
How sad to be excluded merely on the basis of having completed this season of life. It’s going to be a long time before I am 55.
To which my sister replied, in part:
I still think that you should volunteer at one of those programs that gives work wardrobes to women who are getting off welfare. You would be awesome at helping them pick out work-appropriate outfits that make them feel and look their best.
Which brings me to my reason for bringing this up today: the must-read blog youlookfab, free advice from a fashion pro (which I am not). I will confess some blog-envy; her site is well-organized and illustrated (which mine is not). But primarily I just want to recommend it. Thanks to Maria Palma at The Runway Scoop, for her referring link.
Are you wondering what the connection is? Angie is involved with Dress For Success Seattle, which goes back to my sister’s comment.
I’d love to hear what the rest of you think. Where do you get your social needs met?
Firstly, great reference to Angie’s blog. Secondly, Dress For Success is a wonderful organization — and your sister’s suggestion is brilliant!
I’m going to think about where my social needs are met, and get back to you on that one!
I’ve been pondering this all day. I suppose I get my social needs met through small groups at church, one-on-one time with friends, and my family. However, sometimes I feel like those needs go unmet. The Lord is constantly teaching me that He is all that I need.
I do think it’s a shame that we segregate due to the place or season of life we are in. I am the only one with a baby at my church, and that puts me in a group entirely by myself. While everyone loves a baby, the moms with older children tend to socialize primarily among themselves. I personally think we need to get back to “the older women teaching the younger women.” I crave that kind of socialization!
Jenna ~ thanks for giving the question thoughtful consideration. I agree that sometimes the Lord allows people to fail us, in order to teach us to depend on Him. That said, I am warming to the idea that the relational richness He wants for us is sadly lacking in most circles. After all, we are His BODY.
It makes me sad that you feel somewhat alone at your church (I didn’t get the idea that you were bitter about it or anything).
Why does the church organize everything along age lines? They say it’s because different groups have different needs, but I think alot of it is because we’re stuck in the gov’t school paradigm. Almost universally, young moms say what you do, after all it is Biblical, and yet, it is the ministries that are supposed to benefit them that are exclusive. Sure, we have a token mentor at each table in MOPS, but that still doesn’t make for a balanced discussion.
It is certainly a matter for prayer. And, personally, I believe a move is afoot.
Thanks for sharing. I’m so glad you are here!
Okay. I’m back. (Not the world’s fastest thinker, but I get there!) I suspect it is not just the church where you find things organized by age group. But for what it’s worth, here’s my list:
— Tuesday night is for outings: either the movies or the theatre
— I volunteer at a seniors centre
— I get a certain amount of social contact at the pool, and even at the physio clinic where I’m a regular
— neighbours
— at the pool (2-3 times a week I swim with a friend, plus general chats with lifeguards and lanemates)
— I grocery shop with a friend
— email and the blogosphere
— taking college classes
— calligraphy society members
Thanks Wendy.
Those regular places you go, like the pool and the grocery, can really make a difference. During one particularly dry season in my life, I attached myself to a family who ran a store near here. (Hi! If any of you are around. I know at least one of them knows about the blog.) Anyway, I just went down there several times a week and they reached out and adopted me.
Now, I confess, although a part of me thinks it sounds particularly pathetic, the internet is a huge deliverer of social interaction.
And some people think it’s just for research. 😉
I think it’s very true.
(The internet? Just for research? What a curious idea! 😉 )