Proverbs 20:29
The glory of young men is their strength,
but the splendor of old men is their gray hair. (ESV)
This is my hair. If the Bible casts gray hair as a good thing, should that not cause me to ponder the positive? Lately I have been getting alot of “old” comments, cashiers asking if I qualify for the over 60 discount and so on; which, of course, raises the question of coloring my hair.
Then there was an article going around Facebook about the popularity of older models. And the recent trend among younger celebrities to go silver or “graylight” (Rihanna, Kate Moss).
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So, since I have been blogging about resonance, here’s (I think) an example of a working model with hair of each:
Tint: Kristen McMenamy
I am taking tint to be a very light version of a color.
Saturated: Carmen Dell’Orefice
A pure white.
Tone: Teruko Burrell
Blended or soft-looking grey.
Shade: Roxane Gould
Contains an undertone of black.
Truthfully, I am not at all certain that I correctly identified the resonance in these photos, but clearly they demonstrate varieties of beauty in grey hair. When considering whether to color or to go gray, there seem to be alot of rules (go short, use special shampoo so it doesn’t look yellow, and so on). Sometimes rules are meant to be broken.
You know, I’m not an idealist. So I’m always touched and thrilled by all the wonderful reactions and events in life. 😀 Whereas my idealist menfolk are continually embittered and despairing at life’s unfairness.
So what is my point? I had a couple experiences the opposite to yours. I was shopping in a church thrift store where I am a semi-regular. The woman who works the cashbox is tall, lean and traditionally beautiful. Maybe in her 40’s. In some back and forth conversation with those around, all of them much her senior, I mentioned I was 65. She has “known” me for years. She lowered her voice to a hushed whisper and kept stating, “You don’t look it.” As though it were some kind of blessed miracle.
The other was when I was downtown and remembered to stop in to a drugstore for a household purchase. The young woman at the register had me fill out a quick application on a touchscreen so as to get their customer card and a discount on what I was buying. As my finger went to press the Over 65 on that screen, she gently pushed my hand and said, “Oh no, that’s not for you. You’re *not* 65.” I assured her I was and she, too, started marveling that I don’t look it.
My original takeaway was to wonder at how the world seems to be set up nowadays to help people not appear old. And it is a huge asset not to. But why? What possible benefit is there? Look at someone who is active in her church and yet gave so much credit to not looking old. Aren’t there supposed to be more eternal values? 😀
But on reflection, what should be isn’t always what is. “Old” is still somewhat of a pejorative in our society and me, I’m not a fighter anymore. A charmer is better. More flies with honey, etc. I don’t die my hair and it is redder at the bottom portion and I see plenty of silveriness in the top portion. People tend to call me “blond.” So I may yet end up dying it. It’s such an easy way to sidestep people’s ideas of what “old” must be.
If it bothers you, experiment with it. It’s such an easy thing and “everybody” does it. All those grey haired beauties are not yet changing a thing for ordinary folks.
Before my hair appointment last week, I was once again pondering “going natural.” I do this every now and then. I read several blogs and articles about how to do it and how long it takes, etc. I talked to my stylist about it and she says my silver isn’t quite evenly distributed enough yet to be “striking” if I let it go natural, so I opted to continue coloring yet awhile (and she promised to let me know when the time is right). However, I do dream of a day when I can finally embrace whatever grows out of my head. Your coiffure and color is always an inspiration to me. 🙂
What keeps me for doing it, besides the investment of time and resources, is that I still get more compliments than old comments. 😉
Vildy – I was wondering just a few minutes ago how the majority of people would answer the question: “would you rather look pretty or young?”
Mastery – when you do go silver, I think it will look stunning on you. It is curious how the distribution effects the look; although I think the streaked look can be striking, as well, like Stacy London and her streak. Thanks for the encouragement!
What a wonderful question you pose! It’s hard to get away from all the messages that looking good or “better” involves looking taller (column of color), thinner (spanx) and younger (hair color and miracle cosmetics, if not botox and surgery). I’d much rather look pretty, of the two choices. I still don’t see actual value in looking young, unless perhaps for looking for a job. I suppose I think that both pretty and young (as in not old) involve energy and engagement.
And I think about authority. I suspect one reason people have a bias against old people, particularly women, is that they don’t want to be judged and told what to do, the way a matriarch might. 😀 The young don’t have authority and the pretty, well, more in the sense of bow before me or I might stamp my foot.
I have a friend who was clearly a striking woman when young and now in her 70’s has amazing white, naturally thick and bouffant hair. It’s beautiful and so is she. I have another friend, a decade younger than that who has naturally whitening hair (once blond) but owing to aging and some medical conditions it is limp and sparse. She isn’t pretty, does look old and she wears the full complement of old lady clothes including matching to a faretheewell, but she’s attractive because she is so lively and involved in everything. She took me to a Grateful Dead concert and you know how it is, was dancing in the grassy area and young guys were hitting on her. Spriteliness the veneer over the earthiness.
Having read your other post about the hippie chicks, I like my hair undone and able to lift in the wind.
Though I’m not a hippie and never was one. I do think, though, that if my hair were full on grey I wouldn’t be able to get away with this unkempt, unscissored look and would just be seen as next door to derelict. All those silver haired beauties sport high-maintenance hairstyles. My bias is that while it’s lovely to look at, it’s off-putting to me. I don’t even like examining red carpet style. My own idea of an attractive woman, young or old, is someone who is not concerned with being looked at but rather with what she herself is looking at and doing. I guess a version of pretty is as pretty does.
very good post and particularly discussion around this topic over at Privilege
http://amidprivilege.com/2014/02/invisible-over50-women-visible/
includes the question about to whom are we become invisible, if so. Whether it bothers people on
the verge of entering this age more. What about people who have always felt invisible, anyway.
“Remember, people are hard-wired to make sense of other people by matching them to a known visual pattern.”
That is so good! And the comment about the 20 yo daughter making her visible. I always kinda thought young people were invisible to store personnel, but I suppose a young person shopping with her mother looks more like a buying unit than either by herself 😉
Had a conversation this morning about people who are sensitive about their age and people who seem ageless because they are happy and vital. That seems a more worthy goal ( like what you were describing as attractive) and more what I wish that radio program had focused on. I went back and listened to alot of it and it was mostly justification of hair coloring.