Admittedly this is a lengthy article, originally from the Washington Post and then condensed for the Spokesman Review. But I think it especially worth reading for parents (both fathers and mothers) of young ladies. Allow me to rephrase that, I mean girls. When you still have control over what they wear is the time to help them develop their own discretion.
Quote:
Parents lack confidence in their instincts and in their judgment. Previous generations had no trouble making hard and fast rules. Parents in those days looked like and conducted themselves as adults and role models; kids and teenagers wanted to grow up and get the perks of adult life as soon as possible. Therapists see the inverse today. There are lots of parents who are uncomfortable with their grownup role and want to be young again; their kids don’t want to grow up, or wish to postpone it as long as possible.
I have found it helpful in training two young ladies, who are actually more modest than I am, to give them the tools to enhance their natural beauty artistically, rather than provocatively. My daughters truly exhibit a quiet confidence, a different kind of glamour (1 Peter 3:3-4).
Particularly in this day and age when both the culture and the church work to keep older women and younger women separated from one another, what can be done to encourage parents to be parents? And what do you see successfully influencing young ladies to dress modestly?
I think one way to encourage your little girls is to let them get dressed themselves. Of course, these are the clothes that you have bought for them, so there is the control over what they wear. Letting them choose when to wear it, and what to wear it with, gives them some freedom to be creative and a chance to learn what things “go together.”
Plus it gives you the opportunity to observe their unique personality! 🙂
I agree. My little girl is very creative and cute in her combinations. 🙂
As a secondary teacher in the US and college instructor overseas I often had/have conversations w/ female students about inner beauty, appropriate attire, modesty and self confidence. I found that dressing professionally and modestly and being confident about my choices was a HUGE factor in influencing young women to at least think about the image they project — esp. w/ MS/HS girls. Many eventually tried out various aspects of my style — which was flattering and gratifying! (not to mention too adorable!)
I didn’t really preach though — except I would tell MS/HS girls that when they’re sporting full-on aggressive cleavage some guys might not be able to notice much else; they wanted to be seen as a complete, wonderful package: heart/body/mind together.
This is a somewhat important issue to me since being “in the trenches” so to speak i see firsthand the effects of over-sexualisation of young people and how they reflect the adult world and media messages surrounding them. I often felt like a lonely voice in the darkness but at least my students were able to see/hear a different viewpoint.
Parent to parent? I blog. In real life, my circle to influence is either folks who have chosen modesty already or are on the opposite end with little hope for return. I live my life modestly, but fashionably dressed, encourage when the opportunity arrises and offer to go shopping or sew with any female in my sphere. Some have taken me up on my offer, others don’t.
As for my kids, I have introduced them to art and print containing beautiful modest clothing. I find that they’ve all been naturally modest. I encourage it. When “why doesn’t so & so wear clothes that cover their body?” questions are asked, we talk. I also give them choices and options so they don’t feel like they are boxed in.
Grown-up women need to set an example by dressing modestly but not frumpily. If your role models look good — and are respected without throwing cleavage in people’s faces — then you get conditioned to do likewise.
I’m also okay with broad, reasonable dress codes at school, to the point of having sporadically implemented one when I was teaching college. Students have their nights and weekends for self-expression; asking them to show up for school with their breasts tucked away and their undies not showing seems not too much to ask.
An incredible article. I love that the FATHERS can have such a big influence on what the daughters wear. I was so proud of my eleven year old girl when she came home after Halloween telling me how many “sleazy” costumes she saw on her friends. That she was shocked and disgusted made me all the prouder. I am surprised how some of my friends think that their young girls need to “express their sexuality somehow!!!” They don’t know it, but these are the daughters with the bad reputations at age 14. No one will tell the mothers. I love to share fashion with my daughter; it’s been a common interest that keeps us together in tenser moments. I just want her to know what God wants for her, and I want to lead her down the right path…
I think I’d like to stencil that verse in Natalie’s room! No time to read the full-length article now, but looking forward to checking it out tomorrow. Great post and great input from your readers, as usual!
Speaking of “undies showing”, can you believe how long that has been the *style* for young men?!?!? My 25 yo was in 7th grade when “sagging” became popular among guys and we still see it! That’s a long time for a style that’s both stupid and ugly!
Pingback: Empowered Traditionalist » 3 posts worth reading
Pingback: The Space Between My Peers » Raising a Modest Girlchild