From a recent email:
I always wonder –and maybe you can ask the question on your blog – why do people lose all hope and start dressing in those terrible old lady clothes?
(Referring, I assume, to the “elastic-waist pants, boxy top, earth shoes” uniform template. And let me just say that I don’t believe people are generally critical of those who can’t wear heels, etc. We can all agree to be understanding about that, can’t we?)
Pondering the question, next to everything else that currently resides in my brain, I noticed the following similar themes (it’s my job to notice patterns):
- the use of the term “lose all hope”
- longer, floral dresses are known as “I give up” dresses
- quite a few of the “types” (a more complimentary and probably more accurate term than “caricature”) in Trinny and Susannah Take on America
, which we discussed here previously, seem to have given up; from “my kids are my life” right down to “this has always been my best look”.
- In Staging Your Comeback
Add in the following, from private discussions I’ve had:
- one beloved friend feels like a failure for being (insert age) and not knowing what to keep and what to biff.
- a reader wrote, in response to the What Do Your Clothes Say About You discussion, that she wasn’t sure what her best look is.
- bodies change as we get older, necessitating different styles for comfort.
- polyester never dies.
My conclusion: I’m afraid alot of women are unintentionally giving the impression of being hopeless in matters of personal style. In other words, they think they look fine, like I would if I wore the long, pretty dress with the small print. 🙂
Please, correct me if I’m wrong. Why do you think people wear “old lady clothes”?
Last time I checked, that style of clothing was comfortable (in that is doesn’t bind or show too much skin), and is readily available on clearance racks everywhere.
A multiplicity of good points! Comfort, modesty, availability, price, what more could anyone ask for? 😉
Actually, the modesty issue is another factor I should have mentioned. For example, in the boxy top fashion lab, the white top that looks so fabulous on the model really reveals too much cleavage. Well, in my book, any cleavage is too much cleavage …
I thought both the white and the empire tops were a little low–on me they would be, anyhow. But then I don’t have any cleavage to show . . . although I’m capable of showing ribs where a gal shouldn’t have them :-)!
Thanks for the link to the 12 types discussion. I’m not sure how I missed it. I think that Bloglines doesn’t update all my feeds on occasion… Good stuff.
Anyhow. Since I hurt my tailbone in February, fashion has been low on my to do list. Some mornings I just haven’t cared. Honestly, as long as it didn’t clash, I wore it. Being comfortable (and modest at the chiropractor whom I have seen waaaay more than my share in the last 9 months…) has been top priority. I haven’t been my usual snappily dressed self. It’s only been in the last two weeks that I’ve told me we need to change things when I feel like it or not. I’m tired of looking, well, as tired as I feel. This happens to women when they get older too.
It is easy to fall into a pattern of “comfortable.” And I agree with Jennifer: you can find cheap, comfortable clothes at thrift stores everywhere.
Not much to add, but health problems can make you soo not care. If I didn’t already have a mostly mix & match, good for me mostly classic wardrobe, I would look like a total frump right now. As is, I just look a bit disheveled.
I liked this point, “bodies change as we get older, necessitating different styles for comfort. ” I would also add…bodies change as we have children! I’m certainly not old (people still think I look 19! What is UP with that?!), but after two children my body has most definitely changed. I went from no hips whatsoever to having hips. My bust was also very small, and now I’ve nursed one child and am currently nursing another, so yeah. All of those cute clothes that I adored and was able to afford when I was single and newly married will most likely never fit again. It’s been much harder for me to get back into the swing of things because I am having to learn what suits my new body shape. That requires time, energy, and money – all of which are in shorter supply now! Though I haven’t given up hope and resorted to “old lady clothes,” I can see why it would be very, very easy to fall into that – even at an early age!
Thank you for mentioning my book! I do think for the same reason we fall into old men clothes. Usually budget, often time, and mostly interest. Which is a scary thing to lose.
What is it that women are supposed to be “hoping” for, I wonder?
When we visit my in-laws’ parish, absolutely every adult woman on any age is wearing elastic-waist polyester pants and a sweatshirt. It’s official Grown-Up Lady-wear, so I think social norms have something to do with it. I will never forget the trip where I somehow managed not to pack a dressy outfit for Xmas Day — and not one single store in that town carried anything for non-teens that wasn’t the frumpiest of polyester. I’m not exactly Ms. Fashion Forward — but even “simple and classic” was a non-starter.
Here in Arizona, even the old ladies don’t wear the Old Lady Outfit. They come up with some ambitious arrangements of sequins, but it’s clear they’re still hoping for something.
I think it is all about the tummy. As Christopher says in his book, the most common body type is A. And what A’s need to get used to as they age is often times losing their small waist. Elastic waist pants (or skirts, for that matter) are easy to put on and take off (a factor to consider when the hands aren’t as nimble), and very forgiving of a middle age paunch. A boxy top just covers the whole thing up. And most elastic waist pants come in polyester (the exception being some linens which many ladies won’t spend the money on).
I work with a lot of ladies “of a certain age” and I am constantly amazed by what they consider appropriate for the office. “Hopeless” sums it up well.
I just had one more idea. Is it possible that they buy the elastic waists because they don’t want to use the dressing room, and elastics often come in S/M/L/XL?
What I notice in my business is that most of my clients are obsessed with NOT looking like mutton dressed as lamb, so they go overboard the other direction, and dress way too old just in case.
Another reason is that often women feel at their most attractive at a certain age, say 30, so continue to wear the clothes that were fashionable back then – so if that was in the 1980s, when boxy and big were the fashion of the day, then 20+ years later they look completely out of date, but as life is busy, they’ve had kids who have taken up all their energy and income, plus chaned their body shape, they don’t realise how out of touch they’ve become and feel that they’re a lost cause so may as well never try to look more stylish.
And if you don’t like cleavage, wear tank/singlet tops underneath everything to ensure you don’t flash and feel comfortable.
Beth, what do you mean “A’s need to get used to …. losing their small waist? Are you saying that a ‘wide’ waist looks smaller in fitted pants? And is elastic being forgiving of a middle age paunch really a bad thing?
I’m an A–a tall, relatively trim one, but still wider below! After having a child, things have never been quite the same, although I lost the baby weight within the first year. I will admit that I’ve contemplated Lands End’s pants with the “hidden” elastic side panel, although I haven’t gone there. The reason is that I have trouble getting a good fit. My waist is now a full size larger than my hips, and both are larger than my top/shoulders. I don’t have a tummy, but the central area is just kind of . . . tubular.
I do own a couple of smooth A-line elastic-waist skirts. They are comfortable and easy. Most of the time, I cope with the sizing challenge by wearing slightly lowcut pants and skirts that hit below the waist or dresses that skim over the waist entirely. The dresses include a well-cut princess-seamed longer dress that I maintain is NOT hopeless! 🙂
I agree with DrWende that it is the norm where you live. Lots of people – even my very fashion conscious friend – have never bought anything on the internet. They may buy something from catalogs. Have you seen the fare in the majority of catalogs? Not talking about something Bloomingdales would send you. So: easy fit, availability, recognizable to your friends and co-workers. I think it’s important, too, to check out who exactly is saying these women have given up hope. I doubt the idea enters their heads or their friends’ heads, who look the same. If the discussions of fashion these women are having are with their real life circle and they don’t go online and they don’t subscribe to fashion magazines, where are they going to learn that they are supposed to be without hope? Me, I think it’s insulting and presumptuous.
Also, fashion is very fast nowadays. It’s a job keeping up with it, let alone updating your wardrobe.
I read a discussion of the elastic waist on a sewing blog that made sense to me. The idea is that people who have a minimum difference between waist and hips will do fine with an elastic waist but those who have a pronounced difference will have bunchiness and gathers. Since waist definition tends to be lost to some degree as one gets older, the elastic waists work.
I’ll bet anything what these women think they look like is some version of “relaxed.” They’re comfortable and presentable, why not. And clothing, I believe, is supposed to be for Doing and not for Being (seen).
So many interesting comments!
Fit is a huge issue, isn’t it? And that’s where I think some of the younger women are even worse “offenders” than the older ones. At least the older ones are buying some clothes, as opposed to raiding their husbands t-shirt drawer.
I think, too, speaking more of the younger women, that there is a matter of pride or disbelief or something. “In my mind, I’m still 105 pounds.” Literally, I had a beloved friend tell me that recently, and her pants were so worn out that I could see at least 4 square inches of her underwear from behind! But she can’t bring herself to buy clothes to fit her 150 pound body. So she wears what she has that fits.
Another attitude I’ve noticed among the newly retired is sort of a pride, or maybe just enjoyment 🙂 , of the fact that they don’t have to dress up for work.
The whole weight issue and buying clothing is an interesting one, and something I spend quite a bit of time thinking about.
When women say that they will buy some new clothes when they’ve lost weight, but what they’re really doing is putting a value on their size. So essentially what your friend is saying is that only SKINNY people have value and should spend money on themselves, whilst FAT people are worthless and don’t deserve any money spent on them.
This is the saddest thing. You are valuable whatever your weight, and you can look GREAT at ANY WEIGHT. Sure if you buy some new clothes then lose weight, you can have them taken in, they ‘are NOT A WASTE OF MONEY and YOU DESERVE to spend money on yourself, whatever your weight.
Imogen,
I can only speak for myself on this, but… I use new clothes as a carrot on the stick. There are some fashions that I really like and express my individuality, but they don’t look good on my current shape. So, I tell myself, “I’ll buy that when I lose some weight.”
Apart from that… the fashion industry has furthered the logic you explained by dragging their tails in making fashion forward clothing for a wider range of sizes (no pun intended).
It is interesting you mention the fashion industry Jennifer, because I have also heard from the fashion industry, those who want to sell more fashion forward and higher priced plus-sized garments, that they are very hard to sell, and thus not economical to produce because so many plus-size women won’t spend the money that a size 10 woman will spend on a garment, they’ll only buy cheap because of this “not worth it til I lose weight” attitude so many have (remember, a generalisation, not everyone is like this).
Here are my reasons for not always being in style. First, fashion changes almost daily in these modern times. I can’t afford to stay in fashion. Marketing is pushing people to change too quickly and you can’t buy one thing without it going out of style by the end of the week. So you’ve wasted your time and money. And it’s not just clothes but shoes, jackets, hats, purses, jewelry, scarves, etc. Second, many clothing companies only make what is in fashion whether or not it is modest, comfortable, usable on a day-to-day basis. I can’t wear 4″ high heels, skinny jeans with a short midriff top and big earrings while I’m running around after toddlers or having to bend over to do the filing at work, or scrubbing the toilet, or picking up the 50 lb bag of dog food at the feed & seed store. A lot of fads…er, I mean fashionable clothes are only good for standing still in a corner. The skirts are too short, the pants sit too low on the hips, the pants are too tight, the blouse is too low cut, the shoes are ridiculous, etc. I have to compromise between what fits my lifestyle, is comfortable, is modest, is affordable, is washable and being a good color for me and in style is sorta low on the list. I try to be neat, clean, color coordinated, wear nice jewelry (I don’t follow the styles and buy lots of junk jewelry but rather I keep fewer but nice pieces) and nice perfume. I keep an easy hairstyle and comfortable shoes. I try to wear things that don’t show my body flaws (much less flaunt them) and I have my own tastes. I don’t wear makeup because I don’t like looking fake, I don’t have the money for it, I don’t have the time for it. And it’s saved my skin, my sisters are envious of my good complexion. I love certain colors and prints and styles and that reflects me and who I am. Someone else may not like it or even make fun of it but it’s what works for me. I laugh at people who are dressed like clowns, or who waddle around in pants below their butts, or who show all their glorious fat in broad daylight with those hipster pants and short shirts, or who don’t wear panties and their butts are all jiggling all over the place in front of God and everybody. So I guess it’s tit for tat. LOL!