I know we’ve talked about this here before, but thanks to the always appropriately dressed Wendy for pointing out the lovely discussion going on over at Manolo’s blog concerning the dumbing down of dressing up.
- Manolo the Shoeblogger’s September 18th entry, Dressing Down Those Who Dress Down, along with 40 or so comments, was inspired by Linda Grant’s question in The Guardian of the same date, Are dress codes dead?
- Linda Grant replies today to Manolo’s readers.
As I said, we’ve lamented before about the pressure to dress down. As for the reasons for this negative peer pressure, several have been suggested:
- Eating out is no longer a special occasion. (I know I have been guilty a time or two of eating out simply because I was not prepared to cook dinner.)
- Dressing up is perceived as “trying to show people up” or “trying too hard“.
- Worse, dressing up is perceived as having grown up!
- At “the bottom of the fashion food chain” we well know that lack of finances is not the issue.
- Could it be that we are just trying to avoid having to defend ourselves from “why are you so dressed up?”
Why dress up for social occasions? Linda Grant says it well in her original article:
Dressing down, ubiquitously known as “being comfortable”, says that you don’t care about how you look, as if your appearance were an entirely private matter that has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s the exact opposite: what you wear is part of the visible environment, as relevant as the architecture, the decor, the food on the table, the scents in the air.
Do you dress up? On what occasions? On a scale of one to ten, how exercised do you get over this issue?
I dress up to go out to theatrical events, and out for special meals (including at someone’s home) or parties. If dinner is at a pub, well, in that case nice jeans and always a blazer or a nice cardie (unless it is summer, when I can usually be found in skirts).
In fact my general rule is I’d rather be over than under dressed.
(I may have said this before, but) I think I just need to forget about making others uncomfortable by dressing appropriately and – dress appropriately. Why should I take responsibility for them being uncomfortable because they are underdressed?
I tend to “dress up” (as some would call it) often, and I occasionally get comments asking if I’m going to something special, did I come from work, etc. I usually say, “Um, no” – unless I am – but I feel like I should qualify it with something to make the asker not be embarrassed. 🙂 (But “I always dress like this!” could sound rude.) I usually try to dress up for an evening out, the theater, etc., of course.
Sometimes, I’ve noticed that people may “dress up” in their own styles – I’m sure it takes a lot of time to get that way – but it isn’t necessarily classic dressing (loose layers, layered jewelry, etc.). Of course, then there are just those who dress very casually for anything. I don’t really appreciate that all the time. We need an occasion to pull out the glamourous stuff, too!
I always dress up for church. By that, I mean I always wear dress slacks, a skirt, or a dress. I also always dress my boys up, and especially make sure they never wear jeans. Unfortunately, I think dressing nicely for church is something that’s going by the wayside. I can’t believe how many people are wearing shorts and t-shirts at church anymore. I believe that dressing up shows outward respect for church. Okay, off my soapbox.
I never go to fancy places to eat, but whenever we’re planning an evening out I do wear my best casual clothes, meaning I put on a nicer pair of pants, capris, etc. and a nice shirt.
I seldom wear yoga pants out of the house. Just can’t bring myself to do it.
I guess eating out and church are the only social settings up in these days, aside from the grocery store. 😉
Hi, I wanted to introduce myself, as I saw your comment on “Making Home” about Titus Two. I am an “older woman”, and have started a blog based on Titus Two. Feel free to visit!
God Bless!
http://www.chatswithanoldlady.blogspot.com
I dress up (cocktail dress & heels) to go to the theatre or a nice dinner. I dress up less (dark jeans, heels, and a dressy top) for house parties, unless it’s specifically noted by the host to dress up more. My friends and I tend to look for excuses to pull out the glam stuff, though 🙂
Day to day I range from smart casual to business casual, depending on what I’m doing. (I’ll wear jeans, a tshirt and a casual jacket if I’m just going to class for a couple of hours, nicer jeans and a pretty blouse if I’m going to class for a couple of hours and then to see my boyfriend later)
I always try to be a little bit glamorous if I’m dressed down though, with a classy handbag, pretty earrings, a little wedge heel, or a touch of red lipstick. I like to dress up… I would never wear yoga pants out anywhere. It’s really not that hard to throw on a pair of jeans instead.
I like to look nice. I’ve been known to wear a day dress and heels out to the mall for no apparent reason. For all that I appreciate voting and pants and going around un-corseted, I kind of like the old fashioned mentality whereby a lady always dresses up to go out (even if it’s just for groceries, or whatever…)
I love dressing up! I get so many compliments from random strangers, which rarely happens in jeans and a t-shirt. Dress and skirt-blouse combos make up most of my daily wardrobe. When it’s really time to dress up, I like to add a fancy hat and high heels. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people compliment me on my hats and it always feels great. One time a little girl in a store referred to me as “the pretty lady” when talking to her mom and I felt all warm and gushy inside. Compliments like that give me such a natural high.
People do sometimes ask why I’m dressed up, but I always take it as a compliment. Usually I say, “just because” and smile like I’m up to something, unless I do have a specific reason, in which case I usually don’t mind giving it. I like to think that other people who don’t ask are also wondering what sort of glamorous fun I must be off to or coming from.
Gina – thanks for visiting. Love your blog name!
We recently went to dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. I was looking forward to this outing for weeks. I spent an entire Saturday at the mall trying to find the right outfit. When we got there, I was appalled at the attire. Cut-off shorts and message t-shirts were abundant. There were some people who were dressed, but I’d say 50% looked like they just walked off the street (or out of the mall, which is located nearby). It really detracted from the ambiance. I’m sorry, but if you’re gonna drop $200 on a dinner, at least dress up for it! I was disgusted.
That said, I pretty much wear jeans everywhere but church. Sometimes they’re dressy jeans with heels and a nice top, but I do love my denim. But there are exceptions (church, for one, and nice restaurants for two.)
Sometimes I feel bad about the nice clothes I wear, and it always makes me think twice about what I put on and where I’m going. I don’t deserve nice clothes, I probably found it on clearance, or it was given to me. I don’t want to come across as a snob wearing nice shoes, nice skirts, etc., so sometimes I do dress down from what I’d like to wear.
What kind of complex issue am I dealing with? I have no idea…
I’m sorry to hear that, and perhaps you do have some complex issues to deal with. I hope you will rethink what you wear in a more positive light.
Don’t ever feel bad about wearing nice stuff. I’m sure that you do deserve to dress nicely. Even the worst of us are allowed to dress nicely, and I have a feeling that you are probably a good person indeed. And if you don’t give yourself the respect to wear nice stuff, it must be hard to get respect from others.
I don’t think most people think someone is snob just for wearing something nice. Being a snob is about how someone acts and talks, not about what they wear (unless they go out of their way to rub it in people’s faces).
I started leaving a comment and ended up with my own blog post! lol But I guess that’s what blogging is all about huh?
I say: Be a trend setter! : ) Dress nice all the time! How’s that for a novel concept? That’s what I do even though I’m a SAHM. I feel it helps earn the respect of those who know me. If I wore typical “nasty,” I don’t think people would take what I say as seriously – ‘cuz I can be pretty goofy and irreverent at times.
I’ll probably post my thoughts at my blog later.
I know that I will be in the minority here, but I have to address this issue. My husband and I are in ministry, and appearances and judgment about appearances are issues we have to deal with a lot, especially lately.
I enjoy dressing up, and I do quite often. I think if you want to dress up, go ahead. Use whatever excuse you want to bring out your finest! Don’t be embarrassed by being overdressed for an occasion. But please, please, please, please, please do not judge others for what they choose to wear. I could get on my soapbox and give you a number of specific instances and logical arguments, but I don’t want to debate this. Really. I just want to encourage everyone to be gentle toward others. There are so many more important issues in life than what a person wears. Really.
Janel ~ I’m looking forward to it.
Merry ~ Much needed perspective. Thanks. I know sometimes it’s uncomfortable to be in the minority (I often am), but I always want there to be room for refining our outlook in the conversation around here.
Okay, I’m being lazy and not reading the links. Sorry.
Do I dress up? Most of the time, yes. By dress up I mean I think about what I’m going to wear and want to make sure it looks put-together. What do I dress up for? Always church, for sure. Anything that is date-like and adults-only. For everyday errands, I suppose I don’t “dress up” exactly. I don’t wear track suits or yoga pants out though. I always wear capris or jeans or a skirt and a top with sandals in the summer, closed-toe shoes in the fall/winter. I wear skirts most of the time if I’m running errands during the day. It just makes me feel nice and I like that. Also, and this may seem silly, but when I am out with my kids (4 of them, except on school days) I want people to see that it is possible to have a large-ish family and still look nice and with it, so to speak. I tease my husband that it ofen looks as if we are going to two different places when we go out, as he prefers to wear shorts and t-shirts once he is home from work. I’m starting to have a little influence on him though.
It is so difficult! On the one hand, I feel so much better when I am dressed up or at last ‘put together’; on the other hand, people asking where I’m going [all dressed up like that] embarrasses me and makes me self-consciously wonder if I am over-dressed or the dreaded ‘trying too hard’ [= ‘old lady’]. Shudder. (And then, as Rebecca has said elsewhere but seems to be slightly contradicting above, I guiltily wonder if I am making people uncomfortable, which I don’t want to do.)
The fact is, what I myself feel best in is more ‘dressed up’ (coordinated, classically pleasing to the eye) than is currently in fashion. When I look at all the pix of ‘celebs’ out on their shopping trips, in their thrown-together, not-trying-too-hard trendy looks, to me they look really dreadful, I can’t quite believe that they won’t one day want to die of embarrassment over those photos and their outfits. And yet that is the current fashion.
I asked a person half my age what someone my age should wear, and she said that she thinks we should dress less casually, more formally. She went on to mention favorably a more ‘dressed up’ outfit she once saw me in — that is the kind of simple but stylish outfit that I would love to wear every day but that has others asking what the occasion is.
Having read this thread, and in the light of the fact that the young person I talked to has unknowlingly reinforced my own personal preference, I have made a decision: I am going to forget about attempting to make others comfortable by how I dress, and instead, make others feel comfortable by how I ACT. If dressing as though I threw on whatever was to hand (in a darkened room, without looking at what you were choosing) makes me feel embarrassed, mortified, and NOT MYSELF, I am going to be making people uncomfortable with my Hillary face! So surely it is better to dress in a way that makes ME feel good, myself, not-embarrassed, even from the point of view of making others feel comfortable?!
And I am going to wear hats more, at least when dressing up (even more than usual)! OR at least I am going to experiment with that!
I feel at peace! Thank you all! 🙂
Sarah – I love that decision you’ve made! I, too, am trying to be at peace with dressing as myself.
Now, I don’t know how old you are, but one of the thoughts I had concerning your younger friend’s comment is that often I see women my age and older (well, some younger too) that do just throw on whatever’s sitting there – their gardening clothes, husband’s sweatshirt, etc – and seem to think that’s the same as nice jeans and a tee that fits. Not so! Casual can be done well.
All the best as you celebrate your own personality with your wardrobe! 🙂