The short answer is yes.
Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be another anti-black post. 😉 But on the heels of discussing what to wear to weddings, the topic of funerals or memorials seems timely. Six months ago, I posted what I wore to the funeral of an infant (which I still think was good) and we had some discussion there.
But here’s the challenge, see, Deborah alluded to it in the aforementioned comments: there is a slice of humanity with utter confidence in their qualification for the after-life. Thus, they view death simultaneously as a cause for mourning and celebration. The family mourns a temporary separation. Should you dress somberly to honor a person passing from pain into God’s presence? It doesn’t feel quite right.
When my own grandmother passed away after battling lung cancer, the immediate family wore mostly black. I was a little surprised to notice some of her friends wearing bright colors. But not offended.
I am one of those with confidence. When I leave this earth, like the thief on the cross, I am going straight to Paradise.
And what will you wear to my funeral?
I recently discovered your blog, and I have really enjoyed reading it. This post struck a chord with me, so I decided to comment.
I firmly believe that colors are symbolic, and consequently, I believe in wearing black to funerals. A year and a half ago, my mom died. I was 14 and all of my immediate family wore black to the funeral. I don’t really remember what other people were wearing, as that whole weekend was a blur. I do recall some people in black, and others in muted colors. After my mom’s funeral, I did not wear colors for an additional 46 days, until Easter Sunday. I liked the symbolism of death/resurrection. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my mom is with the Lord, but the Bible talks about a time for mourning and a time for dancing. Even though I was rejoicing that my mom was no longer in pain, we really missed her. It was surprising that so many people expected us to immediately “move on” and “get over it.” Wearing black was a way for me to convey that I was still deeply mourning the loss of my mom.
I’m really interested to see what others have to say on this topic.
Tara
Thank you for your kind comments about the blog, Tara.
And thank you for bringing your perspective to the topic. I’m so sorry for you about the loss of your mom. In a time of loss I think most people want to be sensitive and helpful. It is surprising that anyone would think you could get over it by now!
Black for grieving seems utterly appropriate.
Rebecca — I’ve never met you personally but I think you’d like me to wear the most fashionable outfit I could as a way of saying “thanks” for all that you have shared with us! It would seem to be honoring you, I think 🙂
God bless,
Sallie
And of course I’d want you to be comfortable too! 😉
I think one should keep in mind how the person who died felt about such things. My mother died in January of this year and she was an old-fashioned Southern woman who believed in modesty and wearing the appropriate thing for all occasions but she didn’t wear black since it made her look “dead” (her words). She always wore navy blue to funerals because she felt it was both sedate and respectful; she said if she wore black all the attention would be on how bad she looked (tongue in cheek and part of her sense of humor). So, I wore dark brown to her funeral celebration as it was winter time and I felt Mother wanted me to look nice, yet sedate, not necessarily somber as I do know she is in heaven….Mother’s great aunt Jack was a Confederate widow who wore black for at least 30 years – since her husband’s death and we have many pictures of Southern women in the family who wore black after their husbands’ died. It seemed appropriate for them and their times. Remember when Scarlett took off her mourning clothes too soon? Anyway, I do think there is one more thing to consider as Christians, and that is our witness to the many non-Christians who may be attending our loved ones’ funeral service. Rambling a bit — but it is important what we wear, isn’t it?
Susan
What will I wear to your funeral dear sister? Tears.
I always wear black, but never only black. I try to throw in some muted colors as well. I want to let the family know I’m grieving, yet at the same time celebrating the person’s life who had passed.
I’m not going to think about your funeral, Ms. Rebecca. I just want to meet you. ALIVE! heh
Beth ~ xoxo
Carrie ~ you will. Either here or there. 😉
I have enjoyed looking around your site.
But, I have to tell you that having lost an infant myself, as long as you aren’t wearing a party dress or something really revealing dress to the funeral, nobody cares what you are wearing. Especially the family of the lost baby. All they really care about is their dead baby and -not- what you’re wearing. Compassion means a lot more than fashion at a funeral.
And in case any of you are reading this and wondering what the proper thing to say to someone who’s lost a child is- a simple “I’m sorry for your loss” will do.
I remember once telling someone I didn’t want people to wear black to my funeral because I didn’t want them to be sad. But really, I don’t care what anyone wears!
I got these great black wrap dress one time and almost instantly had to go to two funerals. Unfortunately, it got the stigma of being my “funeral dress.” So one time I had to wear it to a party just to get over it.
Unfortunately, I’ve been to way too many funerals…
All black does seem to harsh in some cases. Even at a funeral, I’d break it up with some other neutrals like white, gray, brown, or beige. Another option is to go with purple, lavender, and/or gray. A gray skirt and purple top would still be appropriate in my opinion, since purple is a calm color suggesting introspection and spirituality. Personally, I love purple because it is so powerful without being flashy (I like some flashy colors, too, though).
At the funeral of my best friend/roommate in March I wore a black dress that had a brown and beige pattern, and a silver filigree butterfly necklace that reminded me of her because I had let her borrow it less than a week before her accident.
I wore black pants and a light blueish gray shirt to my dad’s funeral. I just couldn’t bear to wear all black. No one in my immediate family did. I have never been a fan of wearing all black and don’t really understand the tradition. Why wear black to mourn the death? Why not wear color to celebrate their life??