Death happens.
In this fallen world, even children die. And, as long as today I am in the uncomfortable place of trying to be comforting to a co-worker of my hero, I might as well deal with what to wear. After all, one must be dressed to attend a memorial service.
Recently, it seems, it has become the norm for only the family to wear black to the service. Which then leaves the rest of us with the question, “do I dress for mourning or celebration?” Clearly the answer rests in the spiritual beliefs of the bereaved.
It snowed all day yesterday. We will be outside at least part of the time. And I will be with a bunch of Great Northwest, business casual people. I’m so glad I bought this charcoal wool pantsuit.
Please share your thoughts: what do you think is appropriate?
This is a hard topic…but as you said, it does happen.
I generally have a problem with the ‘sloppy casual’ that seems to be so in ‘fad’ right now. I think there is an appropriate way to dress for each and every thing you do. I clean the house in one thing, and I wouldn’t wear it to the grocery store. I sleep in something and I CERTAINLY wouldn’t wear it to the grocery store or the post office and I have seen that twice right here in my little town.
When you attend a funeral or memorial service, you are showing respect for that person and their family, support for their family. I think you should definitely dress in the colors they would prefer. If you don’t know, I would go more toward the darker colors. When my grandfather died 20+ years ago it was a very small gathering of family. But for all of us, it was a memorial service of rejoicing because we knew he was with his Heavenly Father, face to face. My mother and I each wore a red dress, conservative of course, but we wanted to show our happiness for him, even though we were all very sad and missing him. I would not do that at any funeral or memorial service because I would not want to offend anyone. But for that it was appropriate.
I like what you chose and the colors and I think it would be great for a wintery day. My heart goes out to the child’s family…
Thanks Deborah.
I agree with you completely about sloppy casual. In fact, I like your term so well you will probably see it here again!
I was really glad I wore what I did. The whole thing was outside, but I was pretty comfortable. The gold you can barely see in the picture is actually a very warm short- sleeve sweater, worn as a vest. And I wore my coat over, which is actually about the color of the blouse.
Most of the ladies there were in black slacks and black coats. It looked right.
I’m glad you felt appropriately dressed. If it were me, I would always wear black. As far as I am concerned, unless told that the family wishes otherwise that (or another very dark color) is the classic, appropriate wear for an american/european style funeral. Then again, I’m one of those folks who refuses to wear white to a wedding, even if the magazines say it’s ok. Now, if the funeral were for someone of a different ethnic tradition, I might have to ask some questions.
I wonder if that’s a geographic difference. There was alot of black, like I said, but I was so surprised when my grandmother passed away — many of her friends wore khaki and brights. (It was a Catholic funeral.)
Last summer we attended another funeral for a child. I wore a dark blue dress and that was fine, but honestly I don’t think anybody but the family and officiants were in all black. Lots of people in black skirts and colored tops.
Wearing all black would make it alot easier to decide, although the charcoal gray is very dark. I might choose it anyway.
Maybe we’re just backwards out here. I see alot of black dresses at weddings. And I agree with you. If there is a chance of offending someone, why risk it?
i think what you picked was very appropriate. it’s simple and not attention-grabbing. and my mom always told me that only the people very close to the person who has passed away should wear all black, because when other people do it it looks too melodramatic.
Thanks erin … I guess a dark, subtle color is always a safe way to go. At least, that is what I have been trying to do.
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A lot depends on the family. Some families observe strict mourning colors but would rather
non-family members attend conservatively dressed than not come. All black for closest.
Black and white for near relatives. If these are worn for a mourning period, they change to
grey and lavender. Many of the funerals in big cities and certain families, everyone wears black. Growing up, when I attended a funeral, I wore navy blue or another dark color if
I did not have black. (Who has much black in their wardrobe before 18-21. Children wear Sunday best. Things have relaxed somewhat, with the unmarried men taking coats and ties off
after the burial. However, men still wear dark suits, white shirts and black ties as a rule.