Speaking of conversations, you may have noticed that the comments aren’t always about the topic of the post. Like in this previous post, where the comments ended up being primarily about the blog girl talk (which, by the way, has no comment form, a blog characteristic I am not fond of).
As I was reading through their very thorough treatment of the subject of modesty, I came across this statement:
Now let me set your mind at ease. Adorning ourselves in “respectable apparel” doesn’t mean we must restrict ourselves exclusively to cheap, out of style, unattractive clothing. Paul is not saying that gold or pearls or braiding are forbidden. In fact, you will find other places in Scripture where godly women wore fine clothing and jewelry.
The reason this post is called a A Sad Little History is because when I first became a Christian, as a young mom in my 20s, I immediately pulled out all my out of style clothing and began wearing it again! Where did I get the idea that a Christian must necessarily convey a dowdy appearance?
The good news is that God isn’t like that.
Rebecca,
I think I may have confessed my dowdy days to you before. I too have struggled with what it means to be modest as a christian woman. My dh kept commenting on me becoming “homey”. I wasn’t quite sure what it meant. I know know what he was trying to say was that I was not taking care to look attractive for him. I still struggle with frugality and looking attractive. Our budget does not offer me the ability to have a lot in my wardrobe. Maybe you could give me some help with a couple of simple “must haves” for a modest mom of three. (that I could afford).
Stacy
(hope to soon get a blogger id :).)
That’s a good idea for a post, if I could do it without being dictatorial.
I can’t wait till you have your own blog!
Where did I get the idea that a Christian must necessarily convey a dowdy appearance?
Perhaps that was the example presented by the Christian women around you/in your church when you were a young Christian? Because…well, there is a type. And all the more so twenty years ago.
The odd thing is, I remember pulling out my out of style stuff and wearing it again actually BEFORE I started going to church! (My conversion story is here: http://titus2project.blogspot.com/2006/10/why-i-read-whole-bible-in-little-over.html)
I’m wondering if some people get hung up on a “pride” issue. Being prideful is wrong, so they think by definition “taking pride” in one’s appearance is also wrong. And sometimes, these people then look down on others who DO take care with their appearance. I’ve been turning this over in my head for several days after having lunch with a friend. She came dressed in a t-shirt, track pants, and running shoes (she hadn’t been exercising), and I was wearing my uniform – denim jacket, dressy t-shirt, khakis, and sketchers. She made it a point a couple of times to let me know that she didn’t think it mattered what she or the kids were wearing, as if caring about it was a pride issue. Am I reading too much into that situation? Does it have a connection here?
I like Anonymous’s pride explanation… the liberal Catholic parish we belonged to when we lived in Minnesota before seemed to have a dress code of Dowdy. So many people dressed aggressively badly. I think it’s possible to look glowing and wonderful in simple and inexpensive clothes if they’re chosen well — but this wasn’t that. This was a fondness for cheap, unflattering clothes.
BTDT. So glad it’s past tense.
Drwende, I’m a native Minnesotan (Norwegian and Swedish, with a splash of German), and I think something is happening there beyond generalized “pride goeth before a fall.” I suspect that many people’s attitudes reflect their cultural heritage. My dear Norwegian grandmother, who was the soul of kindness, very clearly felt that there is almost nothing worse than “having a big head” or drawing attention to oneself just for the sake of standing out.
When I spent time in Norway and Sweden as an adult, I found out that Scandinavian folks are generally humble, easily embarrassed, and very big on group cohesion–playing along, being one of the gang, doing as the others do. Modesty comes naturally with this upbringing–and if the others were wearing dowdy clothes, I suspect that very many would follow suit. I doubt that there was a lot of judgment attached–in fact, I bet that many at your church secretly admired your style!
@Anon 6:13 – just based on your account, I think it sounds more like she was feeling self conscious, for whatever reason, rather than trying to justify herself (to you) or impugn you. That said, I did have a “friend” in college who made it clear that she and I were different sorts of people based on the amount of care we put into our respective appearances. I was decidedly *not* high maintenance at the time – she was referring to the fact that I bothered to get up early enough to brush my hair before class. I think there were issues there, somewhere…
Modesty (however that is defined) may be an outcome of a religious belief or may be chosen as a valued way to live by someone who is not a member of a religious community. Modesty is not denial of beauty or rejection of an aesthetic sense. What is “modesty”? To me it is the condition of restraint, the avoidance of overt sexuality expressed in dress. There is also a wider meaning of “modest”: to reject ostentation and aggrandizement.
When someone overdoes modesty, they reject any appreciation of his or her talents. Similarly, I believe there is such a thing as overly-modest dress, where beauty is denied both the bearer and beholder.
Sheri — Oh but at that church, I went through a phase of dressing badly! I pulled myself together after the luncheon for religious ed leaders when I realized that not one of us looked as if we’d done laundry in the past month.
One thing I love about moving back to Minnesota is that the ordinary standard of dress is more modest than in Arizona. I haven’t seen a single skirt above the knees since we got to St. Paul. And the women here stand up straight! I’m suddenly surrounded by women with confident demeanors and (judging from the 4″ revealed beneath their skirt hems) gorgeous legs. The number of really beautiful women — not due to plastic surgery or make-up, but due to self-confidence — is higher here than anywhere else I’ve lived.
Drwende, Dowdy–I’ve been there! LOL
You know, I have two items that I wear pretty often that I think others might consider dowdy. I love them because they remind me of MN and my family. One is a Norwegian cardigan, waist-length and very ornate, with clasps; I love the shades of blue in the pattern and the rusty-red and gold edging. The other is a pair of navy Swedish clogs painted with rosemaling. These are blissfully comfortable, and I love them with jeans. They are often described here in upstate New York as “interesting”–hmm, not an enthusiastic endorsement? 🙂
I’ve confessed my dowdy life before, too. For years and years I thought style and godliness were mutually exclusive. Sad! I have a lot of catching up to do!
Rebecca, this is in reference to a totally different post, but your question a few days ago about global vs detail people has had me thinking a lot. We had a particularly vivid example just this morning. We’re looking for living room art, specifically a particular streetscape. I’m gravitating toward impressionist versions, while dh (detail person) likes precise, clean-lined prints of the same scene. Funny! I didn’t realize how many areas of life these differences affect! 🙂