Why Girls Should Dress Like Girls
The short answer is: it’s Biblical.
Often, as young people move towards finding their own personal style idiom, they either experiment or rebel. While rebellion can often be avoided (IMO most rebellion can be avoided by not forcing kids to wear polo shirts), I consider experimenting to be rather a normal part of this stage of life.
And experimenting can get into some androgynous looks: men wearing makeup, women with short hair, and so on. The dangers in these things are, as I see them:
- people really not being able to tell if you are a boy or a girl.
- portraying the wrong idea regarding your *interests*.
So, while I encourage experimenting to develop your own style, it seems best to take care to maintain your God-given gender identity. In other words, make sure that it is obvious you are female.
Some thoughts:
- Carry a purse. (This works for all kinds of things - like being able to distinguish between the workers and the shoppers in a store.)
- If your hair is short, wear girly earrings. Or a scarf.
- Buy girl fit shirts, rather than wearing men’s.
More suggestions?
I think this is, first of all, a total misinterpretation of the Bible, and second, quite an offensive statement. I willl not get into what The Bible says as it would just be too long and actually not even the point but I do want to write what I think.
I think that both men and women are able to decice and choose for themselves what they want to express with all their being (clothes, bags, hair, speech…etc.) and nothing is wrong or right as long as it is not offensive. And if someone thinks that a woman wearing short hair, no purse and a man’s shirt is offenseive, the problem is in the eyes of the viewer, I hope that is extremely obvious for everyone.
This post is not about the fashion style that one can choose, is about what a girl or a boy may choose to express, Maybe you want people to NOT know whether you are a boy or a girl, and maybe you ARE showing your *interest*, as nicely quoted, the way you want to show it and to the group you want to show it. And it’s all good.
“God given gender identity”: God gives us life and love, and yeah, we are all born girls or boys. But identity is something else, it’s part of your life, experiences and choices. We are not ‘just’ a pile of cromosoms.
Girls can wear their hair short and be extremely feminine. A girl with a male shirt can be straight and very feminine. A girl with long hair, French manicure and a tight dress can be a lesbian and a boy who wears a bag can be straight, the list is never-ending because everybody choses to express in a particular way. And that is actually the best gift from God: that we can choose to be ourselves, with or without a purse.
This is your blog and your space to say whatever you think, of course. I hope you can allow my comment show other points of view as well.
I had to crack up over the statement about polo shirts. I think I would rebel if I had to wear them!
It’s ironic to me that the same people who want so desperately to make a statement with their clothes are offended by other people reading those statements. There is huge room for variation of individual styles. And the standards of what are “masculine” and “feminine” do change from culture to culture. But we still have a responsibility to dress in a way that doesn’t beg for misinterpretation by the people who are, in fact, around us. Just because long curly hair and lace-hemmed shirts were appropriate for gentlemen of the 1700s doesn’t mean it’s OK for my husband to express himself that way today.
Have to admit though, I never carry a purse if I can help it. I’m too likely to lose it!
Recently I’ve been embracing femininity more (or at least become more conscious of it) when choosing clothing. I *love* pants, always have, always will. I love clothing that is more utilitarian, warm and easy to move in. That said, feminine clothing is nice to have in the mix. I’m trying to think of examples but all I have are two great skirt outfits I put together last year to wear at church and I love them both. Warm weather makes feminine dressing easier….
Anyway, the teen years are difficult in terms of searching for identity. It can be a sensitive and self-conscious time and so my concerns for young women is that they are clean, comfortable, modest and confident in what they are wearing. I think it’s important to support young women and give them quite a bit of freedom as they are learning and developing their own sense of individual style.
Well, speaking up for “the people of the book”, Jews are commanded not to dress in the clothing of the other gender and traditional Jews don’t. One thing that some of them do is to avoid unisex clothing, which would be consistent with the idea of girls feminizing their dress. I was once struck by a fashion blog or forum comment where a woman said that while she might wear the same garments as men the ones she chose would never be worn by the average man and that was her deliberate choice. I liked this idea. It could apply to embellishment or sometimes colors or fabric choice. Both sexes could wear tweed pants but it is unlikely that the man would wear a rose colored tweed. Or velvet pants. Or, except for some misguided fashion forward souls, capris.
I agree completely with Andrea (no surprise), but in thinking about teens and their style I would only add this: As we learn and grow, and begin to more fully understand who we are, hopefully the outward impression begins to reflect the inner intention. Trying on “costumes” and “personas” is a natural part of growing up and developing our own identity. Witnessing the response to these “costumes” is part of the experiment.
As adults we can help young people recognize what their appearance might be saying about them. Also as adults, we should accept that they might *want* to say these things to the world, and as long as they aren’t hurting anyone I believe we should let them do it. I wore some ridiculous outfits in my youth — some that make me cringe in horror and wonder why my parents let me leave the house — but it was my choice of expression. I eventually learned how my appearance effected the way others interacted with me, and used that information to inform what I chose (choose) to wear in any given circumstance.
I too have to agree with Andrea. First I think that if you want to use that verse to support your point, then you have to agree to live by it yourself. Do you wear pants? Have you ever worn a tie? All of those things (and more) were at one time considered “mens’ clothing”. Also, if you believe this verse to be exactly literal, then suggesting someone wear a purse to offset boyish clothes would actually be saying ‘it’s okay to wear boys’ clothes as long as you’re still identifiable as a female’–but that would be against the literal interpretation of this verse.
It sounds to me like you are pushing your own “fashion agenda” off on other people(presumably your daughter, since this is a “teen” post, if not also the public at large) and trying to use Christianity to support your own viewpoint.
Also, who cares if a stranger misidentifies a person as a male or a female? Or if they presume a person to be gay or not? If a person (or a teen) is concerned by either of these issues then they will change the way they dress. However, if they’re not concerned about these issues (they are comfortable in both their gender and sexual preferance) then what difference does it make to them if a complete stranger assumes something that isn’t true? It doesn’t change who they are.
It SHOULDN’T make a difference. I think it is concerning that in one of your last posts you are encouraging your daughter to feel hungry and make three meals out of one, and then in this post you are encouraging her to allow other people’s perception of her to dictate her sense of style (which is an expression of herself). As a Christian mom you should be encouraging your daughter to look value herself for who she is (not for what she weighs, eats, or wears) just as God values her, and be encouraging her to make choices based on what she knows is right based on her personal relationship with God….not telling her that she should change what she wears or what she eats based off of another human’s perception of her….not even if that human is her mother.
*I meant “If a grown person (or a teen)”….teens are people too
What a response! Where I might not follow your suggestions, your statement that it is wise to “maintain your God-given gender identity” seems spot on to me. ( I cannot believe I just used a “Randy phrase” from American Idol. Ugh!)
Boys experimenting with make-up, to use an extreme example, just might lead them into a twisted place in life. I think it’s completely normal to feel love towards same s*x peers, but when kids these days are encouraged not just to experiment with fashion, but with s*xual identity, maintaining who God intrinsically formed you to be is an important step to an emotionally healthy life.
And I rebelled fashion wise, and it had nothing to do with what my mother would have liked me to wear. She actually gave me much leeway (sp?) in the area of fashion. I’m the one who continued to hike up my skirt as I walked into school.
I went through this in my teens. I wore black almost all of the time. It wasn’t as if it was big baggy black pants and black t-shirts. It was nicer clothing — just black. I think people thought that I was going through a dark stage, personality wise, but I wasn’t. People really do really associate your clothing with what kind of person you are on the inside. Especially when they’re black.
I haven’t read the other comments, but I strongly take issue with #1. (Of the second list.) Purses are purely a cultural thing, and even at that, it’s hardly a marker of “feminine”. In prior times, and even today, plenty of men carry bags. It all has to do with what you’re doing, what you need to carry with you, etc. Many women don’t want the peskiness of a purse. I usually carry one, because I like to take along the kitchen sink! But there’s a freedom to not carrying one. All it says is that you can compact what you need into your pockets, and you regain use of both your arms, and preserve a shoulder from being weighed down. That’s hardly a bad thing.
That being said, I do think looking feminine is important, although it does not by any means have to involve pink, purses, dangly earrings, etc. It’s all in the way it’s worn, and how one *acts*, as well. As an aside, acting ditzy or impractically (e.g. carrying a purse when you can fit your worldly goods into two pockets) isn’t the definite of feminine, either.
I know there are those who would say that it doesn’t matter, AT ALL, what you wear. To some degree it’s true, but it’s a fact of life that people tend to judge you - at least before they get to know you - based on your appearance. This doesn’t mean that you must go through life trying to please the rest of the world via your clothing. Or that you need to put your appearance as the #1 thing in your life. (OK…#2.
) It does mean that being aware of the message your clothing sends is important.
Wow, Rebecca, you stirred up a hornet’s nest with this one!
And I just had to pipe in quickly too. A lot has already been said, but on the note that people should be able to tell if you are a boy or a girl, I whole heartedly agree! Part of embracing who God made you is embracing HOW He made you - height, bone structure, eye color, (amongst many others) and gender. When you try to hide your gender, I think this is not embracing who God made you to be. I live in city with a high homosexual population - I would never want to be mistaken as a homosexual, not because I am better than they are - I am not (”all have sinned”) - but because in some small way I want them to know that it’s okay to be what God created each of us to be - which includes our God-given gender. Femininity and masculinity are gifts to be embraced. There’s so much more that could be said, but I’ll leave it at that. 
Hee hee, I love you Mrs. M!
Isn’t it funny how “controversial” a simple statement of opinion can be?
My thought on how to dress is this, while yes, God did command the Israelites to dress appropriately for their gender by the laws he created in the old covenenant, we as Christians live under the new covenant and we live under a new law. Not to say that we should completely throw away the laws under the old covenant, I’m pretty sure murder is still on the no no list. But as gentile Christians and being under the new law, we do not have to conform to those old laws as strictly as before. I think Paul wrote a letter somewhere pertaining to the laws under the new covenant, I should look that up and refresh my memory.
As Christians today, we always tell non believers that God will take you as you are, faults and all, as we grow in our walk and personal relationship with Christ we are called to surrender our lives wholly to God allow God to use us for His purposes. For some of us, how we dress may be a source of stumbling to others, and thus we should submit it to God and change to follow His command of, “Do not cause your brother to stumble” If I’m wearing clothes that may make a man sin in his heart, I need to cover up and fix that. I should be able to find a way to “express my creativity” and “fashion statement” in a manner that would not cause others to fall. I personally dress in a somewhat punky/rock/emo/skater sort of thing mixed at times with outdoorsy/camo/military. I’m weird, I know! But I also know that I’m in every children’s ministry in our church, and as a leader and as someone kids look up to, I have a responsibilty to lead the kids to obedience and not to rebellion, most kids are not allowed to wear what i wear so I must not cause them to stumble by lusting to wear what I wear. Thus I try to tone it down a bit if I’m going to be in a ministry position. If I’m on duty for a young children’s ministry I try to wear fun colorful tees instead of my usual black with bold print. I would be more likely to wear my red, “Sillly rabbit, Jesus is for everyone!” shirt than my black “I would die tonight for my beliefs” with three nails shirt. It’s just not quite age appropriate. At Frontline we have 7th-12th grade, they are at an age where I feel most of them are allowed to wear what they want now, so I wear my more punky shirts.
I know sometimes I forget if I have children’s ministry and wear the wrong attire, but I am only human, I will mess up, but that’s where the saving grace of Christ comes in. He takes me as I am and most people at our church do to. Some will still raise eyebrows and some may never speak to me because I look “scary,” but most who have taken the time to get to know me, know I love kids and I love God, I just dress kinda funny!
And really I don’t mind criticism, as long as it’s intended to be constructive, I might not always take it because I am rather hard headed, but I try to seriously consider all comments on my appearence. I don’t want the wrong idea getting across, but sometimes it does feel that people take color combos and appearnce too seriously. Yes I wear black, no I am not a satanic rebellious goth! I am Christian who loves God and loves black!
Great Blog Mrs. M, keep ‘em coming!
Ok, one last comment, I just read all the other comments on this and I had to laugh at the assumptions made about Mrs. M’s daughters. I happen to have known them for years and am good friends with them and know for a fact that they are not forced, guided or told what to wear, eat, or style themselves after in anyway beyond some friendly direction and directing them to Biblically based wisdom. They are given the answers to any questions in full and allowed to choose for themselves what they think is best. And they WANT to eat healthily and dress appropriately as instructed to do in the Bible. They weigh their options carefully and make wise decisions.
I’m sorry if it seems I’m rebuking anyone I just feel that point was made completely off assumptions and it is just not founded by anything I’ve seen in the many years I’ve known this family.
I have read in the Bible that a man should not cut his hair or beard. I have read that only clothes of only natural fibres should be worn. I have also read that one should wear white only, as a symbol of purity.
Past the age of about 2 years, I’ve never had trouble determining the sex of a person except for the occasional transvestite.
Earrings, longer hair and a purse do not make an outfit of plain jeans and a turtleneck sweater definitively feminine.
I know that in the teenage years, many teens have trouble with their sexuality but they should be able to dress as they want, as their sexuality is their business only. It’s sad that teens still have to worry over what they wear as an indicator of their sex and sexuality. Frankly, even as a teenager, anyone thick enough to think I might be a boy was not someone I would want to associate with, purse, earrings, or long hair.
Look everyone, I know this is an old post. But I just wanted to say one thing. Nothing defines a female other than her reproductive organs. Nobody HAS to know whether you’re a boy or a girl. I am a female, which you probably couldn’t tell by the name, but jeez, nobody needs to try and make the world an ORDERLY place. I am so tired of everyone saying you have to dress like this or you have to be all pretty and nice in order to be female. Female or male shouldn’t determine our personalities.
If people don’t like the way I dress they can shoot me with a 12 gauge. Then at least I will die a martyr.
well im a lesbian have been since about 8 i feel more comfortable in male clothes but you can still tell im a girl,i believe God made me this way and i dont believe he is really concerned about what kind of clothes i wear ,but i do believe he doesnt like judgmental people who try to make other people do as they do,