Social Insecurity
Perennially, probably related to the dark days of winter, I experience social insecurity remembering that most of my social supports are contingent upon the age of my children. Our Bible-study is limited to couples with children through high-school age. I could remain a member of my home-schooling support group when I am no longer home-schooling, but do I want to? Seems somehow grasping. In MOPS leadership, I am but a guest as it is.
This summer, I will not even be needed to drive the ladies to the free movies. It isn’t so much that I need to be needed, although you task-oriented people may choose to believe that. No, I will be losing my opportunities for fun. Being shy, or maybe just slow to warm up, I am most comfortable where I can belong simply by showing up.
How sad to be excluded merely on the basis of having completed this season of life. It’s going to be a long time before I am 55.
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Some Trends Should Never Be
Some trends just should never be. Like sagging. What guy goes for the dirty diaper look? (Probably one who doesn’t have kids.)
Seen recently, another trend to skip: long necklaces draped around bosoms … for once, I’m speechless. Retain your dignity, give this look a pass.
Let’s all say no.
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The Fashion Train
What’s your position on the fashion train? A few years ago I had a lovely lady, whom I always thought of as well-dressed, tell me that she considered herself the caboose. Adjusting to new styles just takes her longer.
The fashion personality types adopt new styles in a predictable order. The Engine, Innovative, is not usually in style, only because she (or he) is way out ahead of it. Glamorous is next, although she will compromise on currentness in order to look great. Contemporary won’t. Timeless follows, the Caboose, and Nostalgic is tossing flower petals off the rear platform, while waving her hanky.
What about Functional, you ask? Not even on the train. This person is on a horse galloping alongside. (Whether just for fun or because she missed the train, I can’t say.)
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Fashion Personality Types
Don’t touch that dial! You are not seeing things, dreaming, or experiencing technical difficulties. What you are about to see is a revision of a previous post. The old is gone, what you see is what you get.
Welcome to the debut of my new and improved system for naming fashion personalities. Based on the system originally published in Fabulous You, by Tori Hartman, I have been working on adapting the vocabulary to be intuitive. I want you to be able to have an idea what your fashion personality is based just on its name.
Can you find yourself on this list?
1) Innovator
2) Glamorous
3) Contemporary
4) Traditional
5) Romantic
6) Relaxed
The great thing about blogging is the interactive editing. When I come up with something I think works, like in my original post on fashion personalities, I can test-drive it here. Then, when I discover that I’m not really as brilliant as I had hoped, the post can be edited, or even deleted.
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Begin to Define Your Idiom
Three arenas concern us when selecting our clothes: self, others, and the demands of the day. Rank the following statements, two representing each arena, and begin to define your idiom:
1) Looking fabulous is the chief aim of every ensemble.
2) I love comfortable clothes and want to feel good in whatever I wear.
3) Preferably I should not stand out in a crowd.
4) I gotta be unique!
5) Appropriately and stylishly dressed is how I wish to be perceived.
6) What are we going to be doing? I can’t get dressed without knowing first.
How’d you do? Can you select one or two of the statements as reflecting your philosophy of dressing? Stick to your priorities and avoid looking like a three-ring circus.
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What Not to Wear … Casual Friday
What are you going to wear tomorrow? For some of us, that question takes us back to high school, when we wouldn’t wear a dress without a friend doing the same. But that’s not my reason for asking. Tomorrow is “Casual Friday”.
In my previous post on lifestyle segmentation, I declined to define the casual lifestyle segment with too much precision. Now I’ll get more technical.
The following should never be seen in a professional context:
1) White tennis shoes (I prefer the Canadian term runners). Exceptions for work-related athletic events, of course, or moves, building projects, etc.
2) Message t-shirts. If you are out of college, these are purely weekend wear. Over 55 and still wearing them? Try the applique and embroidery look instead.
3) Jeans with holes or seriously discolored knees. No blood, bleach, or motor oil, either.
4) Sweats. Would anybody really think about it anyway?
Be thankful, people. In my former professional life, men wore suits everyday and women were not allowed to wear pants at all. Casual Friday is an opportunity for people who work in formal business environments to relax a little, say to wear khakis and a button-down or slacks and a sweater. Let’s not throw all professionalism out the window.
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Morning Trip to the Well
Here’s an idea from my sister, a mother of two pre-schoolers. If you live within walking distance of a coffee shop, and don’t meet your husband everyday during the noon hour, this is a fabulous idea:
I’ve started an early morning walking club for moms who want to knock out some exercise before their maternal and/or professional responsibilities kick in for the day. Although this was not my intent, it has completely replaced my running program. I meet whomever shows up at 6:30am in front of a coffee shop near my house, and we hoof three miles in 48 minutes. On Saturdays we sleep in; we meet at 7am. My schedule calls for Mon/Wed/Fri/Sat which gives me a good number of work outs but does not feel too onerous to maintain. If I were to miss a day, there are others who only go on Tues/Thurs so I could go then. The social aspect is very enriching. We pair off differently each time, so there is always an opportunity to chat with someone I may not get to chat with very often, especially without kids as a distraction. It has been really great so far, and I hope it continues.
Clearly social interaction is a valuable commodity in today’s culture. Once upon a time, women connected with each other when they came to draw water for their households. Now it’s a challenge. Of course, back then they didn’t need to schedule their exercise.
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Resolving the Stiletto Question
The question that I posed, albeit indirectly, in my original post Stiletto Heels was, “Do you readers think I should add stiletto heels to my list of what not to wear to church?” It’s been tremendous fun discussing this topic, but I’m sure you’re ready for me to move on. Frankly, I am too.
So, without further ado, my conclusion: choose for yourself. If you’ve been here and followed the controversy as it developed, you have lots of good input to make that decision. One of my daughters made the comment that most, if not all, outfits that would be inappropriate with stilettos would still be inappropriate with different shoes. Interestingly, the Purity Girls.com modesty survey didn’t even have a category for what shoes guys considered immodest.
Coming soon: fashion personalities?
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Can Stilettos Make You Look Fat?
Since we are still somewhat on the subject of stiletto heels, a few quotes from the book Does This Make Me Look Fat?, by Leah Feldon:
StilettosIf you have heavyish legs you can get in trouble with ultra-pointy toed stiletto heels and other ultra-delicate styles. The contrast in proportion can actually make your legs look heavier. Even slingbacks are risky if your heel is the least bit pudgy. Your best bets are styles that are neither too delicate nor too clunky.
The fact is, stiletto heels are a questionable style for most everybody, regardless of leg shape. True, they elongate the leg and make for terrific Vogue pictures-where would Helmut Newton be without them-but you have to wonder exactly where they fit in the context of an average woman’s life. They’re inappropriate for the office, debilitating on public transportation, crippling on the streets, laughable for recreation, incapacitating on errands, and suicidal when dealing with kids. Let’s face it, stilettos are only suited for limousine-chauffeured dressy evenings, or maybe, if one is to believe Jerry Springer and Cosmo, underdressed evenings in one’s boudoir-but I’m not going near that one.
Missed Matches-Wearing The Right Shoes With The Wrong Outfits
You’ve probably heard that bad food combining can give you indigestion. Well, so can bad shoe/outfit combining–metaphorically speaking of course. It’s a sort of aesthetic indigestion. Pumps and Bermuda shorts, for instance, can invite instantaneous heartburn. Stilettos with jeans are more of a squeamishness thing. Shoes should connect organically with your outfit: Sexy strappy sandals are lovely with a bare evening dress, ballet slippers are perfect with a long flowing skirt, sophisticated pumps a natural with a chic suit, loafers terrific with slacks and a blazer, boots great with jeans, sneakers with sweats, etc.
One last thing: Shoes have more attitude than almost any other accessory. They affect not only on the way you look, but how you feel and move. So make sure your shoes are not only flattering, but also allow you to move with grace and ease. Also consider if they are conveying the message you want them to. If you want to proclaim yourself competent and brainy, for instance, sexy stilettos are probably not the way to go.
You can read the book excerpt this was taken from on her website.
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The Prelude to Answering the Stiletto Heel Question: a Disclaimer
Last week, I asked readers to comment on whether I should add stiletto heels to my list of “what not to wear to church”. Many thanks to those who played. Before I give you my conclusion, though, I want to clarify one thing: the reason for being careful about what you wear to church is not to gain “points” with God.
My post Second Opinion explains why I believe what you wear is important. It’s about impact on others.
